I Was Thinking The Other Day ( About Time )

We all talk about time being a funny thing…a week moves too fast when you are dreading something at the end of it and a day moves to slow when you are looking forward to something. But I’m struggling with a different time problem—when is enough time, enough time?

It’s been a little over two weeks since my husband died. I spent the first week in shock. I spent the second week sitting in his chair and crying. But now I need to work, and my type of work needs me to reach out, to hustle, to sell myself and my skills. It feels icky to do that right now. It also feels icky thinking about what other people might think about me because I’m hustling. It feels crass, inelegant, crappy.

Anna Wintour once said “It’s always about timing. If it’s too soon, no one understands. If it’s too late, everyone’s forgotten.” And I’m not talking about people forgetting Lowell, that won’t happen. But as a freelancer, I literally cannot afford for people to forget me. Again, crass, inelegant, crappy.

A lovely client sent me a note saying they wanted to give me a break so they were giving a project to someone else. When I talked with them, 70% of their decision was about their thinking I wouldn’t want to work right now. But 30% of it was their worry that not enough time had passed, that I wouldn’t be in a good enough place to do good work for them. Completely fair.

So, back to the original question: When is enough time, enough time?

I have no idea. Do you?